Family

You've no doubt heard the saying 'You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family'. Well, we all have one. Whether birth or adopted. Our families can be the source of great love and support and yet sometimes they can be toxic and abusive and everything in between.

The impact a family has on a person cannot be underestimated. They are the source of our upbringing and our shaping. Many have happy and healthy families and have a good foundation. However, what happens if you were abused? What if you were neglected? Abandoned? Or have a history of mental illness.

There are many families that are somewhere in between. People were loved but not enough or they had subtle abuse happening.

We are a product of the environment we come from. Yes, we also are socialised and form attitudes and perceptions as we go through life. The key is to recognise that something is amiss and be aware and willing to improve on things.

Families can be enmeshed and complex and the dynamics can be difficult to navigate. It may get to the point where people become estranged. There's a risk of scapegoating and victim blaming.

Many come to me with some degree of this and it permeates into their lives, affecting their own adult relationships, their children and their work life. Then layer onto that any new relationships they have that may be difficult or at worst, abusive.

The many variations that this presents as are wide and varied and so to give answers in a blog post is not possible. The main thing is to help the client to manage what they can control. To learn good self care and to make decisions, if possible, that helps their situation. If there is abuse then I have to make important decisions. I am a mandatory reporter in the case of child abuse. Domestic violence is a delicate subject and will need to be navigated according to the unique situation.

Appropriate referral is also a requirement. Especially if there is DV and child abuse.

Mainly I see people who are adults and have survived dysfunction and are dealing with the after effects of it and some are in the process of leaving situations. The main thing if you are in this type of situation is to seek counselling or therapy. Seeing your GP for referral.

On another note you may have a happy family but there is a history of mental illness. This could be due to several factors from personality type to biological and medical reasons.

For example, as a naturopath, I see people who have anxiety with no issues in their past. They may have thyroid issues or peri-menopause or post menopause. There may be imbalances hormonally. This will then lead to lab testing to see what may be contributing.

There could be nutrient deficiencies too. So a proper physical is wise.

Families can be a blessing, or a curse and I see the full spectrum in my practice. I endeavour to work with the client to restore balance in their lives and to help them to find their inner voice and strength through listening, giving tools and showing them how to feel and to be when confronted with challenging behaviours in others.

We counsellors can't do it for you but we can help facilitate the growth you need to do it for yourself and most importantly not alone. Ideally a supportive family will be there for you and if not then we find family that is not blood related but acts like they are family. It is important to remember your own strength and value and worth. You don't have to walk away from family but you can find a way to understand the dynamic better and how to handle things.

Have a great October and I shall see you next time.

Lisa xxx