Loved one dealing with a brain injury.

A dear friend of mine offered me this topic. I won't name names here but suffice to say this blog is based on her situation.

She wanted to know what to do if your loved one, in this case her partner, has had a serious head injury at work and it is affecting her life and his and the changes in personality.

Now this is a serious situation. Depending on the part of the brain that has been affected and if it is permanent, which only his doctors can estimate, then treating this situation depends on the prognosis.

I am approaching this as if this friend was my client and as if it was from her perspective. It is out of my skill set to advise on her partner's situation. I can only help someone like her in her position. How to manage and cope in such a trying time.

Back story: This friend, let's call her Anne, has a partner she lives with, let's call him Ken. Ken got hurt badly at work. He had a nasty blow to the head, and it was serious. Possibly damaging to his brain. He suffers migraines now because of it and his personality has altered. He is forgetful, has spatial awareness issues and is sometimes aggressive when he thinks he is being 'normal'. Anne loves him but it is putting a strain on the relationship.

There is an ongoing legal issue around this accident, and they are also dealing with that.

Now if Anne was my client, I would be helping her in her part in all this. She is having to be vigilant for things, such as, tea towels being left on the stove and set alight. His driving is impacted. There are aggressive interactions. She is working hard to stay mindful it is not his usual personality. That he can't always help it. He is seeing therapists and doctors and is well taken care of. But she lives with him, and it is exhausting.

Now addressing this as a counsellor is unique depending on each individual case. One head injury situation may be different to another. So what I advise her may not fit for another.

This blog, though, is not advice. It is an example. Please see your own therapist for advice. It is for information purposes only.

I would work out with Anne how she can pace herself. To find ways to safeguard the house, herself and her partner and anyone else in their household. But because we are dealing with her mind and emotions, we have to make sure she is safe and has no ideation. This is risk assessment. To see what she does to take care of herself. If there are arguments to maybe find ways to stay even in temper and breathe. Let go of slights as someone with a head injury are not their true self.

There may be need for respite care. Someone to come in and take the load off Anne's shoulders so she may rest. She has to watch her own mood and do more pleasurable things to fill her own cup. To recognise the limits in the things she can talk to Ken about. Meaning, avoiding hot topics that may cause a flare up. To remember they will get through this and to remember the good points and good times in their union. Rest is important and self care. Especially if she is in a carer-like role for Ken.

It is important that Ken keeps seeing his own support team of doctors, counsellors or psychologists. Because this is turning legal then the stresses will be over a stretch of time and not immediately resolved.

I want to make sure she is eating right and sleeping and hydrating. To find ways to work towards not getting drawn into potential arguments. To remember Ken maybe doesn't mean to be harsh. To also remember that the team on board for Ken are working to help him.

She needs to fill her own cup which means she will then have the mental capacity and energy to deal with it all and to hold her own temper and temptation to bite back.

I would encourage her to rely on her friends and family if possible as a support system. Also, maybe find a support group for people also going through something like this. Social media has a search bar for her to find a group. Maybe her GP also has leads. As a counsellor I could also give her leads and maybe even a referral to a counsellor who has a special interest in head injuries and families.

If you are going through this then maybe this case study can help you. You are not alone. I find people actually benefit a large amount from just talking to someone like me. They don't want to burn out friendships or burden families. Some people actually have very little support system. It really does help to talk it through and to be heard, witnessed and understood. They feel supported.

I love what I do and each client is special to me. I genuinely care. One client said she could tell I cared. She could hear it in my voice. I want to tell you this so you are reassured that we counsellors, therapists and psychologists really want to help. We are in this business because we love helping people and for most of us, we care. A lot of us have actually had lived experience also.

We refer on if things are out of our scope of practice and in the case of the case study above there may be a need to be honest if you feel you can or can't help someone in this situation. The main thing with Anne is support and listening and being there for her as she goes through this. As mentioned, this is a case where the stress is ongoing for the foreseeable future so helping Anne to develop skills to help herself and Ken and once all the legal stuff has been dealt with and maybe Ken's health improved, if that is possible, then they can debrief less often with someone like myself.

Anne needs to be supported. It can be isolating to go through something like this. Add to that, if the brain damage is permanent then she will have to deal with the grief of the loss of their relationship and how it used to be with how it is now. It is a journey. Not a quick fix. But if she is supported, she, they, will find their way through it. This case study is far more complex, so I have simplified it here for your benefit.

That is me for this month.

Remember if you have a need for 24/7 support there is Lifeline and Beyond Blue.

See you next month.

Lisa and Luna, the wonder cat who is apparently helping.